Now You Are a Mother

The love a mother feels, what to have ready before the birth, and what a newborn looks like in the first days, with jaundice and vaccinations.

Key points

• The book opens with the mother’s love as part of how Allah made her, and children as an adornment of this life (18:46).
• A practical shopping list: a few sleepsuits and vests in soft cotton, nappies in more than one size, a baby bath, a place to sleep, a car seat and a pram. Buy for the season the baby will be born in.
• The first cry shows the lungs have taken over from the placenta and the airway is clear.
• Normal surprises: a large head with soft spots that close over months (the back one by about four months, the front by nine to eighteen), a waxy coating on the skin, swollen eyes and genitals from the mother’s hormones, blue-grey birthmarks, and fine body hair that falls away.
• Jaundice, a yellowing from bilirubin, is common in the first week and usually fades on its own; high levels are treated with light therapy.
• Vaccinations start at birth and follow each country’s schedule.

Think aboutWhich of these normal surprises would have worried you most, and who will you call if something does?

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How a Muslim family welcomes a baby: good news, the adhan, tahnik, a name, shaving the head, the ‘aqiqah and circumcision.

Key points

• Sharing the good news of a birth is recommended, as Ibrahim was given glad tidings of Ishaq (11:71).
• The adhan is said in the baby’s right ear and the iqamah in the left, from a report that the Prophet ﷺ gave the call to prayer in al-Hasan’s ear.
• Tahnik: a softened date rubbed on the baby’s palate, as the Prophet ﷺ did for the son of Abu Musa, whom he named Ibrahim.
• Shave the baby’s head and give its weight in silver to the poor, and choose a good name, on the first day or any day up to the seventh.
• The ‘aqiqah is a confirmed sunnah on the seventh day, or the fourteenth or twenty-first: two sheep for a boy and one for a girl, meeting the same conditions as the udhiyah animal, with the meat eaten, gifted and given away.
• Male circumcision is part of the fitrah and best done in the first days; the book adds its medical benefits. Female circumcision gets a short paragraph presenting it as a matter of disagreement.

Think aboutWhich of these sunnahs could you prepare before the birth, so the first week is calmer?

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The mother’s body and feelings in the weeks after birth: nifas, recovery from a caesarean, periods and contraception, food, exercise, low mood and going back to work.

Key points

• Nifas, roughly the forty days after birth, is when the body returns to normal: a short rise in temperature, the womb shrinking back (breastfeeding helps), and bleeding that fades from red to pink, brown and pale.
• After a caesarean, walk gently from the first day, then rest; lift nothing heavier than the baby, watch the wound, and ask the doctor before driving, exercise or intimacy.
• Periods may stay away for months while breastfeeding, but pregnancy is possible before the first one. The pill can reduce milk, so ask about other contraception.
• Don’t diet hard while breastfeeding: eat well, drink plenty and give yourself about a year to return to your weight. Gentle exercise, pelvic floor (Kegel) exercises and pelvic lifts help; girdles and corsets are no shortcut.
• Feelings matter as much as the body. The husband’s understanding and help come first; keep doing something you love, meet other mothers and take time for yourself.
• Going back to work is your decision, weighed against the baby’s health, care you can trust, the leave you have and the balance you can keep.

Think aboutWho will carry part of the load for you in the first six weeks, and have you asked them yet?

Write a fa’idah from this chapter

Breastfeeding, expressing and storing milk, when breastfeeding isn’t possible, bottle feeding step by step, and burping.

Key points

• Breast milk is the ideal food: it protects the baby against infections, helps the mother recover, lowers her risk of some cancers, and builds the bond of feeding.
• Feed as soon as possible after birth. The first milk, colostrum, is small in amount but rich in antibodies, and babies under six months don’t need water.
• A good latch: bring the baby to the breast, wait for a wide-open mouth, take in much of the areola, lower lip turned out, little or no pain. Feeding lying down helps after a caesarean.
• Signs of enough milk: softer breasts after a feed, steady weight gain after the first few days’ small loss, and six to eight wet nappies a day. Feeding on demand builds the supply.
• Expressing by hand or pump keeps the supply going when you are apart or unwell; thaw milk in warm water or the fridge, never the microwave.
• When a bottle is needed: measure formula exactly, sterilise everything, check the temperature, and never push a baby to finish. Burp over the shoulder, sitting up or across your lap.

Think aboutWho could you call in the first week if feeding hurts or doesn’t seem to be working?

Write a fa’idah from this chapter

Bathing, nappies, dressing and carrying a baby, then fever, heat rash, crying and colic, and why a baby can’t be loved too much.

Key points

• A short, warm bath with everything ready first; sponge baths until the cord stump and any circumcision have healed. Never leave a baby alone in water.
• Part by part: wipe the eyes from the inside corner out, clean only the outer ear, trim nails while the baby sleeps, and keep the cord clean and dry.
• Change nappies often, wipe front to back, and give some nappy-free time and a barrier cream to prevent rash. Dress the baby in soft, loose cotton with no drawstrings, and always support the head and neck.
• A fever is the body fighting infection: dress the baby lightly, keep the room cool and keep feeding. Heat rash comes from overheating and usually clears within days.
• Crying is a baby’s language: hunger first, then pain, heat or cold, a wet nappy, a sudden noise, boredom. Around two hours a day is average in the first three months; more than three deserves a doctor’s check.
• Colic brings long bouts of crying with the knees drawn up and usually no illness behind it. The author’s answer to it, and to crying in general, is to pick the baby up, hold and soothe them: a baby can’t be spoiled by love, and holding back affection is an “emotional weaning” worse than an early physical one.

Think aboutWhich part of the daily care do you most want the baby’s father to learn first?

Write a fa’idah from this chapter

How newborns sleep, how to keep them safe while they do, gentle habits for day and night, and how a baby grows month by month to three months.

Key points

• A newborn sleeps most of the day in short stretches and wakes to feed every few hours; there is no fixed amount, and night and day are mixed up at first.
• Safe sleep: on the back, on a firm flat mattress, with no pillows or toys, feet at the foot of the cot, head uncovered, and no smoking near the baby. A cot or bassinet close to the parents’ bed is best.
• Tiredness shows as slower movements, staring, yawning, rubbing the eyes and fussing. Newborns also pass through six states, from deep sleep to waking upset.
• Build habits gently: a bath and a feed before bed, lively bright days and quiet dim nights, and naps in the same place where possible.
• Growth is tracked at checkups on standard charts. In the first month movements are reflexes; by two months the head is steadier and the first real smile arrives; by three months the baby grabs at toys, coos and sleeps for longer.
• Talk back to every sound face to face: this is how language starts.

Think aboutWhat one bedtime routine could you and your spouse both do, so the baby knows it from either of you?

Write a fa’idah from this chapter

Starting solid food alongside milk, the foods to wait on, and what a baby learns to do between four and six months.

Key points

• Signs of readiness: a steady head, sitting with support, hungrier than before, interest in your food, and the tongue no longer pushing food straight out.
• Milk stays the main food. The book starts solids between four and six months, beginning with rice cereal mixed with breast milk.
• One new food at a time for several days, to spot an allergy: rash, hives, vomiting, diarrhoea, swelling or trouble breathing. Smooth purées, a small soft spoon, and no salt, sugar or honey.
• Then cooked and puréed fruit and vegetables, fresh rather than canned. Cow’s milk as a drink waits, as do fried food and whole nuts.
• Four to six months: rolling over, lifting the chest, sitting with help, passing toys from hand to hand, laughing aloud, babbling “ma” and “ba”, knowing their own name, and growing wary of strangers.

Think aboutWhich family foods would you like your child to grow up loving, and when can they first taste them safely?

Write a fa’idah from this chapter

More food, new reasons for crying, teething, the start of memory, and month-by-month milestones up to the first birthday.

Key points

• Food moves on to well-cooked, puréed meat and pulses and more fruit and vegetables, still one at a time and still alongside milk.
• Crying now has new causes: teeth, new food, wanting attention, boredom, and the bumps of exploring.
• The first teeth usually come around six months. Drooling, biting and irritability are normal, but fever, diarrhoea or a chest infection aren’t caused by teeth and need checking. Brush new teeth gently.
• Ease teething with a clean finger or a chilled teething ring. Thumb-sucking is normal comfort: don’t scold it, and it fades.
• Memory grows from recognising faces in the early months to recalling where toys are by the end of the year.
• Month by month: sitting, crawling, pulling up, walking along the furniture, a first “mama”, waving, and understanding “no”. Set limits kindly: what looks like disobedience is usually curiosity.

Think aboutWhat one “no” will you keep this month, and how will you say it kindly?

Write a fa’idah from this chapter

Making the home safe as a baby learns to move, room by room, then the car and outings.

Key points

• Sit on the floor at your child’s eye level and look at the house as they will see it.
• Kitchen: hot drinks and pan handles out of reach, cleaners and knives up high, no hanging tablecloths, appliances unplugged and away from water.
• Bathroom: never leave a child in the bath, even for a moment. Children can drown in very little water, including the toilet, so keep the lid down and the door shut.
• Bedroom and house: no pillow in a young baby’s cot, no heater left on, socket covers, stair gates, window locks, blind cords and small objects out of reach, and sturdy furniture with rounded corners.
• Car: a proper car seat, rear-facing in the back for babies, never on a lap; check that no child is near the car before driving off.
• Outside: hold hands, never leave a baby alone in the car, and teach children gently not to go anywhere with someone they don’t know.

Think aboutWalk through your home at crawling height today. What did you find?

Write a fa’idah from this chapter

Family meals, weaning, milk teeth, the move to a bed and toilet training, with what to expect from thirteen to twenty-four months.

Key points

• From around ten months a child can share family meals: serve their portion before adding salt and spices.
• The author disagrees with stopping breastfeeding at six months. She suggests preparing in the second half of the second year and finishing by two, dropping one feed at a time.
• Milk teeth decay mostly from frequent sugar, sticky sweets and fizzy drinks. Keep sweet things to mealtimes, brush, and see a dentist.
• Move from a cot to a bed once they start climbing out, often around two, and let them choose their bedding.
• Start toilet training when the child shows they are ready (dry for two hours, bothered by a dirty nappy, following simple instructions), often between eighteen and twenty-four months. Potty first, never a scolding, and night-time dryness last.
• From thirteen to twenty-four months: steadier walking, then running and kicking a ball; words growing from a handful to around fifty; two-word sentences; tantrums; and “what’s that?” all day.

Think aboutWhich change this year do you most want to take slowly: weaning, the new bed or the potty?

Write a fa’idah from this chapter

Love without spoiling, then the common struggles of the toddler years, each with its causes and what helps.

Key points

• A young baby can’t be cuddled too much. From six to nine months, kind limits matter, and both parents need to agree on them: inconsistency confuses a child, and harshness hardens them.
• Aggression is often copied from home, from quarrels or from violent screens. Answer it with calm limits, a short time out and an outlet such as sport, never hitting.
• Stubbornness grows when every request is refused or a child is forced into rigid rules. Grant reasonable wishes, let small battles go, and praise cooperation.
• Fears are normal: don’t mock them or use frightening threats, and introduce the feared thing slowly. Jealousy of a new baby eases when children aren’t compared and each one gets time.
• Bedwetting is only a concern from about four; never punish it, and see a doctor to rule out a physical cause.
• For late talking, check hearing first, talk to them clearly and often, and see a specialist if speech hasn’t started in the second year. With stuttering, don’t correct or hurry them.
• Most children walk between nine and eighteen months; see a doctor if not by two. Baby walkers don’t help and cause falls. Bowed legs usually straighten by themselves.

Think aboutWhich of your child’s “problems” is really a phase that needs patience rather than a fix?

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The manners to start teaching early, then the Prophet’s ﷺ way with children: mercy, play, fairness and respect.

Key points

• A young child is soft clay, so start now. At the table: wash hands, say Bismillah and Alhamdulillah, eat with the right hand from what is nearest, and don’t find fault with food.
• Greet with the salam and return it; the one walking greets the one sitting, and the few greet the many. Say Alhamdulillah after a sneeze and answer it with Yarhamuk Allah, and cover a yawn.
• The Prophet ﷺ urged choosing a spouse for their religion and giving children good names, and he changed names with bad meanings.
• He ﷺ stayed in prostration while al-Husayn rode on his back, shortened the prayer when he heard a baby cry, and kissed his grandsons, telling a man who had never kissed his children that whoever shows no mercy is shown none.
• He ﷺ told a father to give all his children equally, joked and raced with children, and asked a boy’s permission before passing a drink to the elders.
• He ﷺ corrected gently (“say Bismillah, eat with your right hand”), taught the young to ask permission before entering, and taught Ibn ‘Abbas, still a boy, to be mindful of Allah.

Think aboutWhich of his ﷺ ways with children could you bring into your home this week?

Write a fa’idah from this chapter

Television, smoking, arguments between parents and harsh discipline: the parts of home life that shape a child quietly.

Key points

• The author doesn’t ban television, but limits it: none before two, then an hour or two a day at most, with programmes chosen and watched together and no meals in front of the screen.
• Too much screen time crowds out play, talk and movement, and violent scenes, indecent content and junk-food adverts teach the wrong lessons.
• Smoking near children harms their lungs and growth, reaches the baby through breast milk, and teaches the habit. A new baby is a reason to stop.
• Calm discussion between parents is fine; quarrels and insults in front of the children leave them anxious and quarrelsome. Step away, choose a better time, and talk it through.
• Hitting teaches fear or violence and breaks trust. The author sides with the specialists who reject smacking, and suggests consequences instead: putting things right, or losing a privilege.
• Insults hurt a child’s self-respect as much as hitting. Speak to them with the words you want them to use.

Think aboutWhat would your child repeat about your home if a teacher asked them?

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Why play matters and how to choose toys, games and rhymes by age, and what a nursery is for: getting ready to read and write, not starting early.

Key points

• Play releases tension, builds skills and imagination, and lets a child feel in control. Toys should be safe, sturdy, easy to clean and too big to swallow.
• Make-believe builds empathy and language; drawing, clay and building train the small muscles needed for writing; puzzles and matching build thinking; active play builds strength and teamwork.
• Games for each age: peek-a-boo, mobiles and bath toys in the first year; blocks, shape sorters, colours, copying games, memory and matching games after that. The book includes recipes for home-made play dough.
• Rhymes and short stories can teach manners and faith. Avoid scary stories of monsters and child-snatchers.
• A good nursery has a qualified, loving teacher, a safe and roomy building with outdoor play, and health support.
• Nursery isn’t for formal reading and writing. Build words through stories, puppets and outings, and hand strength through drawing, cutting and threading.

Think aboutWhich game from your own childhood could you teach your child this week?

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The common illnesses of early childhood, from colds to measles, then preventing accidents and first aid for the emergencies parents most often meet.

Key points

• Colds are viral and frequent; antibiotics don’t help, while fluids, saline drops and rest do. Flu is more serious, with fever and aches.
• The danger in diarrhoea is dehydration: watch for few wet nappies, a dry mouth and sunken eyes, give oral rehydration solution in small sips, and keep breastfeeding.
• A food allergy can show as hives or swelling. Anaphylaxis (trouble breathing, swelling of the face or throat, collapse) is an emergency.
• Asthma, chickenpox, polio, whooping cough, measles, rubella, rheumatic fever and diphtheria are each described with their signs, most of them preventable by vaccination.
• Prevent poisoning, choking, falls, fires and shocks: medicines locked away, food cut small, stair gates and window locks, and socket covers.
• First aid: keep the container after a poisoning and don’t make the child sick; cool burns and leave blisters alone; don’t move a child with a possible neck or back injury. Learn first aid before you need it.

Think aboutDo you know your local emergency number, and could you give a child first aid today?

Write a fa’idah from this chapter